I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
