Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
