New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
