i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
