There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
