You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
