i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
