I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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