I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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