i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
