Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
