the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
