I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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