i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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