I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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