The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
