I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
