when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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