just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
