Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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