Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
