A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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