My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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