I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize