why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're a waste of cheezeits
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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