he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
