can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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