i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
