I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
