It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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