lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
