What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
