She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who died my cat blue again?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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