I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
