going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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