I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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