what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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