were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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