Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize