Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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