What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
