have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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