She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This baby is an asshole
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
