hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
