Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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