Betty ford says i'm here all night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
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i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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