She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I supernannyed him into submission
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
