There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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