This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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