my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
