every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I die, sorry about rent.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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