Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
