I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
