3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
