if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
