Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
