how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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