Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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