she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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