he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed