Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"