That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.