no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
