I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
