there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
