I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
